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1.I hate two-faced people.It"s so hard to decide which face to slap first.我最恨两面派，因为我不知道先扇哪边的脸，这让我很为难。
2.It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City"s Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure,
she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
3.Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I"m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then.服务员，这个龙虾只有一只爪。对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。
4.Don"t mess with me, or I"ll let you die in rhythm.别惹我，否则我会让你死得很有节奏感。
5.There is an empty heart to learn, but gave birth to a failing life.空有一颗学习的心，偏偏生了一条挂科的命。
6.Promise me that if you like me, you"re welcome.答应我，假如喜欢我，那就不要客气。
7.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
8.Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.每个人都想去天堂，但是没有人想去死。
9.I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke!我抽的不是烟，也不是寂寞，是二手烟！
10.Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have!理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有！
11.My principle is: the person does not make me, I do not prisoners; if the person make me, I will get angry!我的原则是：人不犯我，我不犯人；人若犯我，我就生气！
12.guest:What is the fly doing in my soup?waiter: He is swimming, sir.客人：这只苍蝇在我汤里干嘛？招待：他在游泳，先生。
13.he notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot.""Why use my elbow and foot?""Well, gosh," was the reply, "You"re not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
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