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总找不到女朋友,无奈去算命。算命大师:你前半生注定没女人缘,我眼睛一亮:后半生呢?算命大师:后半生你就习惯了。
Always can"t find a girlfriend, but to fortune telling. Fortune teller: the first half of your life is destined to be without women. My eyes are bright: what about the second half of your life? Fortune teller: you"ll get used to it for the rest of your life.
“兄弟,不要怕,我能为你遮风!”“靠边,别挡我吹风扇,热死了!”
"Don"t be afraid, brother. I can protect you from the wind!"“ Pull over, don"t block my fan, it"s so hot! "
和我在一起吧,起码我比别人多了十几斤肉在爱你。
Stay with me, at least I love you more than others.
当烦得要死的时候,只有钱才能拯救我糟透了的心情。
When I"m bored to death, only money can save my bad mood.
如果有男人喜欢你素颜不化妆,你瘦了他心疼,你胖了他高兴,那个是你爸,只有你爸。
If a man likes you plain face without makeup, you lose his heart, you fat he happy, that is your father, only your father.
如果一个女生化了很精致的妆出门,多半都不是要去见男生,而是去见女生,因为她们要自拍。
If a woman goes out with delicate make-up, most of them don"t want to see a boy, but a girl, because they want to take a selfie.
曾经有人问我,生日时谁给的礼物最好,我说是我妈,因为我妈送给我一条命到现在还用着。
Someone once asked me who gave me the best gift on my birthday. I said it was my mother, because she gave me a life, which is still in use.
别再谈什么在最好的年纪遇到合适的人这样的理想了,我只想在最好的年纪,不劳而获,随时可浪,随处可躺。
Don"t talk about the ideal of meeting the right person at the best age. I just want to get something for nothing at the best age.
他们都老了吧,他们在哪里呀?每次我在火锅里捞的时候,心里都是这么想的。
Are they old? Where are they? Every time I fish in hot pot, I always think so.
网上说蛋清可以保养头发!洗澡时打了个鸡蛋在头上!结果水太烫挂了一头蛋花!
Online said that egg white can maintain hair! I beat an egg on my head when I took a bath! As a result, the water is too hot to hang an egg flower!
(图片和素材源自网络,侵权联删)
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