1、我是一个二锅头，又二，又乖，又上头。
I am an Erguotou, and two, and good, and the head.
2、瘦不了的永远在骚动，吃不胖的都有恃无恐。
Those who are thin are always in turmoil, and those who are not fat have nothing to fear.
3、每次面对美食，我都告诫自己吃了会死，但事实证明，我根本不怕死。
Every time I face delicious food, I warn myself that I will die if I eat it, but facts prove that I am not afraid of death at all.
4、其实我以前个子挺高的，后来经常洗澡，缩水了。
In fact, I used to be very tall, and then I often took a shower, which shrunk.
5、每到换季的时候，打开衣柜就像皇帝选妃，选着选着就觉着又该纳妾了。
Every season, open the wardrobe like the emperor election imperial concubine, choose to feel that the concubine.
6、我这个人从来不记仇，一般有仇当场就报了。
I never hold a grudge, and I usually take revenge on the spot.
7、年纪大了，终究没有挡住秋裤的诱惑。
Old Age, after all, did not block the temptation of Long Johns.
8、总有那么一个人，冲你一笑，就把你打败了，比如站在窗外的班主任。
There is always a person who will defeat you with a smile, such as the head teacher standing outside the window.
9、书到用时方恨少，钱到月底不够花。
When books are used, they hate less, and money is not enough to spend at the end of the month.
10、所谓进退两难，就是抬头有抬头纹，低头有双下巴。
The so-called dilemma is to look up with wrinkles and lower your head with a double chin.
11、本想回慕一笑，奈何天太冷，突然冒出个鼻涕泡。
I wanted to smile back, but it was too cold, and suddenly a snot bubble appeared.
12、别人都笑起来很好看，我不一样，我笑起来很好笑。
Other people laugh very well, I am not the same, I laugh very funny.
图片来源网络，侵权联删。
