1、虽然我不会做饭，但我点的一手好外卖。
Although I can"t cook, I order takeout very well.
2、成功的聪明人太多了，我必须为笨蛋争口气。
There are too many smart people to succeed. I have to fight for stupid people.
3、道理我都懂，可是被人喊美女的时候，我还是忍不住回头。
I know the truth. But when I was called a beauty, I couldn"t help looking back.
4、为什么没人跟我说晚上好，就因为现在是早上吗？
Why didn"t anyone tell me good evening, just because it"s morning?
5、美女一般有两个特点，一是记性差，第二个是什么我忘记了。
Beauty generally has two characteristics, one is poor memory, the second one is what I forgot.
6、当你感觉自己又穷又丑的时候，不要悲伤，至少你的感觉是对的。
When you feel poor and ugly, don"t be sad, at least you feel right.
7、你们不要觉得我所谓的减肥，只是说说而已，我还会发朋友圈和微博。
You don"t think that my so-called weight loss is just a talk. I will also send friends" moments and microblogs.
8、我每天都坚持做仰卧起坐，晚上一个仰卧，早上一个起坐。
I do sit ups every day. I lie on my back in the evening and get up in the morning.
9、你年纪轻轻，体重倒不轻；余额不多，想买的倒不少。
You"re very young, but you are heavy; you don"t have much balance, but you want to buy a lot.
10、我脾气不好，成绩不好，气质不好，性格不好，长相也不好，唯一值得骄傲的就是：消化好。
I have a bad temper, bad grades, bad temperament, bad character and bad looks. The only thing I can be proud of is that I have a good digestion.
11、长得漂亮就是烦，我要是男生早就娶自己了。
Being beautiful is annoying. If I were a boy, I would have married myself.
12、虽然你已经无法再长高，但是你可以继续胖啊！
Although you can"t grow tall any more, you can continue to be fat!
13、到年底一总结的时候，发现赚到的只有年纪。
At the end of the year, I found that I earned my age.
14、晚上的时候我觉得自己了不起，早上的时候我觉得自己起不了。
I think I"m great at night and I can"t get up in the morning.
15、别问我瘦了没，你天天上班不也没有存款吗？
Don"t ask me if I"m thin. Don"t you have a deposit when you go to work every day?
16、闹钟叫醒了我的身体，却叫不醒我沉睡的心。
The alarm clock wakes my body, but it doesn"t wake my sleeping heart.
17、你摸摸我的衣服，是不是做你女朋友的料子。
You touch my clothes. Is it made of your girlfriend"s material?
18、拥有双下巴，快乐会翻倍。
With a double chin, happiness doubles.
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