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一、你喜欢小动物吗？喜欢，那你喜欢到什么程度？嗯~我基本顿顿饭桌上都有它们！
Do you like small animals? Yes, how much do you like it? Well, I have them at almost every meal!
二、人家说看起来年轻，像个小学生一样，并不是因为你看起来长得年轻，很有可能人家是觉得你穿的土。
People say you look young, like a schoolboy, not because you look young, but because they think you"re wearing dirt.
三、我觉得你骂我肯定是因为不够了解我，因为真正了解我的人一般都想打我。
I think you scold me must be because you don"t know me well enough, because people who really know me well usually want to hit me.
四、今天我去植物市场买了一盆含羞草，我拿回去怎么动它，它也不害羞，我生气地去找那家的老板，老板憋了半天回我一句：“可能你买的那一盆不要脸”，我：……
Today I went to the plant market to buy a basin of mimosa, I take back how to move it, it is not shy, I angrily to find the boss, the boss suppressed for a long time back to me: "you may buy the basin of shameless", I:……
五、人生如此短暂，所以我们一定不能亏待自己，像减肥这样的事情离我真是太远了，还是吃碗里的肉更实际。
Life is so short, so we must not treat ourselves, such things as losing weight is too far away from me, or eat the meat in the bowl is more practical.
六、今天有人问起我“穿什么裤子能显得年轻些”，我想了一下“应该没有什么能比穿纸尿裤更年轻的了吧”。
Today someone asked me "wear what pants can look younger", I thought for a moment "there should be nothing younger than wearing diapers".
七、现在的我已经不是以前那个花五十块钱也要考虑半天的小可爱了，现在我花五块钱都要深思熟虑半天。
Now I have not before that spend fifty dollars also want to consider half a day of the little cute, now I spend five dollars are to deliberate half a day.
八、人的长相分两种，第一种是好看的，第二种是难看的，而我是属于介于两者之间的，好难看的。
The person"s appearance cent two kinds, the first kind is good-looking, the second kind is ugly, and I belong to be between two, good ugly.
九、机遇就像是秃子头上的一根毛，你抓住就抓住了，抓不住也就没了。
Opportunity is like a hair on a bald man"s head. You catch it, and if you can"t catch it, it"s gone.
十、夏天就是不好，害得我连西北风都没有的喝。
Summer is not good, harm I have no northwest wind to drink.
十一、小时候的我不爱吃饭，导致我现在个子很矮，长大后的我吸取教训，爱吃饭了，然后我现在就变得又胖又矮了。
When I do not love to eat, resulting in my now very short, grow up I learned a lesson, love to eat, and then I now become fat and short.
十二、虽然古时候车马很慢，书信很长，一生只够爱一个人，但是却能纳很多妾。
Although in ancient times the carriage is very slow, the letter is very long, life only enough to love a person, but can take many concubines.
十三、请不要再问我是不是分手了，我再次申明一下，我不是分手，我只是丧偶了好吗？
Please don"t ask me whether break up, I once again state that I am not break up, I just widowed?
十四、现在我的银行卡，我连密码都懒得设置了，毕竟用六位数字去保护那可怜的两位数的存款，我想想心都累！
Now my bank card, I even do not bother to set the password, after all, with six Numbers to protect the poor two-digit savings, I think heart tired!
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