历史总是惊人的相似，去年这个时候我单身，好惨，今年也是。
History is always strikingly similar. I was single at this time last year, So is this year.
自从我妈知道单身狗这个词后，她已经忘了我叫什么名字。
Since my mother knew the word bachelor , she has forgotten my name.
520了，你爸催你带男朋友回家了吗?如果催了，让我来当你爸吧！我不催。
Did your father urge you to take your boyfriend home? If so, let me be your father! I won"t urge you.
有人问我，今年520怎么过，我说：略过。
Someone asked me how to spend 520 this year, and I said: skip it.
很多事情都是吃饱了撑出来的，所以我决定，狗粮吃饱了去减肥。
A lot of things come out when you are full, so I decided to lose weight when I"m full of dog food.
我喜欢你，关你什么事，有本事你也喜欢我试试。
I like you. It"s none of your business. You try to like me if you have the ability.
如果有下辈子，我一定要做你的心脏，因为我不跳，你就得死。
If there is a next life, I must be your heart, because if I don"t jump, you will die.
道理我都懂，可我就是不爱讲道理啊！
I know the truth, but I just like to be unreasonable.
有些人真是太天真了！你以为你晒黑了，就能掩盖你是白痴的事实了？
Some people are so naive! Do you think you can cover up the fact that you are an idiot when you have a tan?
上帝给了我脑袋，却忘了给我使用书。
God gave me the head, but forgot to give me the instructions.
图源来自网络，侵权致歉！谢谢！
