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Personal relationships always seem to be the first priority for many of us. Perhaps you are always searching for love. Hunting for love doesn"t always bring the right partner because the reasons for wanting love are unclear. We think oh if I only had someone who loved me my life would be so much better but that"s not the way it works. There is a big difference between the need for love and being needy for love. When you are needy for love it simply means that you are missing love and approval from the most important person you know, yourself.
对于我们很多人而言，私密关系貌似是我们最重视的事。可能你一直在寻找真爱。去寻找爱并不一定会让你遇见对的人，因为你想要爱的原因并不清楚。我们会想，啊，如果有人爱我的话，我的生活会变得好很多。但这并不能算原因。需要爱，和缺爱，是完全不一样的。当你缺爱的时候，没有人爱你，于你而言最重要的人没有给你肯定，而这个人就是你自己。
You may become involved in relationships that are codependent and ineffectual for both partners. You can never create love in your life by talking or thinking about being lonely. Feeling lonely and needy just pushes people away. You cannot heal a relationship in your life by talking or thinking about how awful it is now. This only puts the attention on the problem not the solution. You want to turn your thoughts away from the problem and create new thoughts. That will produce a solution. Arguing for your limitations is just resistance. And resistance is only a delay tactic. It"s another way of saying I"m not good enough to have what I"m asking for.
你可能身陷那种相互依赖的、对于双方而言都是名存实亡的感情。如果你一直在想、一直在说自己很孤单，那你永远无法在生活中创造爱。如果你很孤独、很缺爱，那么没有人愿意接近你。如果你一直埋怨、一直纠结于你现在的亲密关系有多糟糕，这是无法让这段关系变好的。这只会让你把注意力全都放在问题、而不是解决办法上。毕竟你还是想扭转自己的想法，不要一直纠结于这个问题，并且换种思维方式。这才会让你找到解决办法。一直声称自己不够强大，这只是你对现实的逃避罢了。逃避是一种拖延的手段而已。这就等于你在说，我不够好，我配不上我想要的东西。
The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you are happy with yourself then all your other relationships improve too. A happy person is very attractive to others. If you are looking for more love then you need to love yourself more. This means no criticism, no complaining, no blaming, no whining, and no choosing to feel lonely. It means being very content with yourself in the present moment and choosing to think thoughts that make you feel good now.
你首先要改善的关系就是你和自己的关系。当你自我感觉很棒的时候，你的其他关系也会变好。一个快乐的人是很有魅力的。如果你想要得到更多的爱，那就从更爱自己开始。这意味着你不要对自己吹毛求疵，不要抱怨，不要求全责备，不要发牢骚，不要让自己感到孤独。这意味着对当下的自己感到满意，并且去想那些让你愉悦的事。
There is no one way to experience love for we all experience love in different ways. For some of us to really experience love we need to feel loved through being hugged and touched. For others to really feel loved we need to hear the words I love you. For others we need to see a demonstration of love like a gift of flowers. Our preferred way of experiencing love is often the way we feel most comfortable demonstrating love.
感受爱的途径不是唯一的，因为我们总在以不同的方式经历爱、感受爱。对于一些人来说，只有通过拥抱这样的肢体接触才能让他们真正感受到爱。对于其他人来说，只有通过亲耳听见“我爱你”这样的话才能让他们感受到爱。对于另一些人来说，他们需要看到爱的证明，比如收到别人送的花。我们喜欢的感受爱的方式，往往是最能令我们自己舒适的示爱方式。
I suggest that you work on loving yourself non-stop. Demonstrate to yourself the growing love that you have for yourself. Treat yourself to romance and love. Show yourself how special you are. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Surround yourself with colors, textures, and scents that please you. Life always mirrors back to us the feelings we have inside. As you grow in an inner sense of love and romance, the right person to share your growing sense of intimacy will be attracted to you like a magnet.
我建议你要保持对自己的爱。向自己展示你对自己那越来越浓的爱。为自己带来浪漫，带来爱。让自己知道你有多独特。宠爱你自己。为自己买花。让自己的生活充满让你愉悦的各种颜色、各种质地、各种芳香。生活总是折射出我们自己的心境。当你越来越爱自己，为自己带来浪漫的时候，那个和你志趣相投的人就会被你吸引，就像磁铁相吸一样。
If you want to go from loneliness thinking to fulfillment thinking, then you need to think in terms of creating a loving mental atmosphere within you and around you. Do let all those negative thoughts about love and romance just fade away and fill your mind with thoughts of love. Think of sharing love and approval and acceptance with everyone you meet. When you are able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs, then you will not be so needy, so codependent. It has to do with how much you love yourself.
如果你想改变自己的想法，从孤独的惆怅变成满足的愉悦，那么你就要思考如何为自己营造一个充满爱的氛围，这个氛围既要是外在的，也要是内在的。让那些消极看待爱情和浪漫的想法随风而去，让你的思绪充满爱。你要想着去向每一个你遇到的人分享爱、支持和接纳。当你能够满足自己的需求时，你就不会那么缺爱、那么依赖他人了。这跟你爱自己的程度有关。
When you truly love who you are, you stay centered, calm and secure and your relationships at home as well as at work are wonderful. You will find yourself reacting to various situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won"t be quite as important anymore. New people will enter your life and perhaps some old one will disappear, which can be scary at first and also wonderful, refreshing and exciting.
当真正爱自己的时候，你就能保持专注、冷静，你会感到安心，你的家庭关系、职场关系都会非常和谐。你会发现，自己能用不同的方式应对不同的情况。那些曾经让你感到天都要塌下来的问题已经不那么重要了。会有新的人走进你的生活，同时一些曾经在你生活中停留的人会消失不见，这一开始可能会让你感到恐慌，但你会发现，这是一种美妙的、新奇的、令人兴奋的经历。
Once you have all this clear in your mind and you know what you want in a relationship, you must go out and be with people. No one is going to suddenly appear at your doorstep. A good way to meet people is in a support group or a night class. It enables you to connect with people who are like-minded or who are involved in the same interests. It"s amazing how quickly you can meet new friends. Be open and receptive and the universe will respond to you for your highest good. Think happy thoughts and you will be a happy person and everyone will want to be with you. And all your current relationships will improve.
一旦你把这些想清楚，并且明白在一段关系中自己想要的是什么，你就必须敞开心扉，去和他人相处。没有人会突然出现在你的生命里。去参加一个互助团体，或者去上夜校，这是很好的与他人相识的途径。这让你与他人产生联系，他们是与你志同道合的人。你能以惊人的速度结识新朋友。只要你保持开放、包容的心态，这个世界就会以最有利于你的方式对你做出回应。让自己开心起来，你就会成为一个快乐的人，那样所有人都会想和你在一起，你现有的全部关系都会得到改善。
Positive affirmations for love: I will allow these affirmations to fill my consciousness, knowing they will become true for me and I will practice them often and with joy. From time to time I
ask those I love how can I love you more. I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see. I draw love and romance into my life and I accept it now. Love is around every corner and joy fills my entire world. I rejoice in the love I encounter every day. I am comfortable looking in the mirror saying I love you. I really really love you. I now deserve love romance and joy and all the good that life has to offer me.
关于爱的积极话语：我会让这些积极的话语进入我的心灵，我知道它们会实现，而且我会常常开心地对自己说这些话。我一次又一次地问那些我爱的人：怎样我才能更爱你多一点？我选择用充满爱意的眼神观察这世界。我爱我所见。我把爱和浪漫带进自己的生活，我现在学会接受了。爱无处不在，我的世界充满快乐。我为我每天遇到的爱而感到愉悦。当我看着镜子里的自己说“我爱你，我非常非常爱你”的时候，我感到轻松自如。我值得拥有爱，我值得拥有浪漫，我值得拥有快乐，我值得拥有生命中所有的美好。
I am surrounded by love. All is well. I am in a joyous intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me. I am beautiful and everybody loves me. I am greeted by love wherever I go. I attract only healthy relationships. I am always treated well. I am very thankful for all the love in my life. I find it everywhere.
爱将我环绕。一切都很美好。我和一个真正爱我的人处在一段令人愉悦的亲密关系中。我很美，大家都爱我。无论我去到那里，都能获得爱意。我的关系都是健康的。他人对我很好。我对生命中所有爱都感到感激。爱无处不在。
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