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世界上最远的距离不是你我天各一方，而是同窗不同房。
The furthest distance in the world is not that you and I are far apart, but that our classmates live in different rooms.
风情万种的女人是打火机，不解风情的女人是灭火器。
Women of all kinds are lighters, and women who don"t understand customs are fire extinguishers.
招蜂引蝶的技能没有，招蚊子咬我倒是一流。
I don"t have the skill to attract bees and butterflies. It"s first-class to attract mosquitoes to bite me.
美颜相机的作用就是让人产生错觉，以为脸上没有一丝皱纹。
The function of beauty camera is to make people have the illusion that there is no wrinkle on their face.
很多人瘦不下去，是因为没有一颗真正想瘦的心。
Many people can"t lose weight because they don"t have a heart that really wants to lose weight.
生活太不公平了。一顿不吃，一克也瘦不了；大吃一顿，却要胖我三斤。
Life is so unfair. If you don"t eat a meal, you can"t lose a gram; Eat a big meal, but make me three kilograms.
男人胆大走四方，女人胆大不化妆，最胆大的男人带最胆大的女人走四方。
Men are bold and go everywhere, women are bold and don"t make up, and the boldest men take the boldest women everywhere.
老婆：今天给了街上一个盲人100块。老公：现在假盲人骗人的很多。老婆：他说我很漂亮。老公：那他真是一个盲人。
Wife: I gave 100 yuan to a blind man in the street today. Husband: now fake blind people cheat a lot. Wife: he said I was beautiful. Husband: then he is really blind.
世上最遥远的距离，你在南六环，我在北六环.你上班996我上班007。
The furthest distance in the world, you are on the South Sixth Ring Road and I am on the North sixth ring road. You work 996 and I work 007.
希望大家对自己好一点，能怪对象的就别怪自己。
I hope you treat yourself better. Don"t blame yourself if you can blame the object.
亲爱的上帝啊，去年我许的愿望是脱单，您似乎听错了了呢，并不是脱发。
Dear God, my wish last year was to take off the bill.You seem to have heard wrong, not hair loss.
听到二哥问五岁的女儿：“长大后你要当什么啊？”回答：“当警察”。又问：“为什么是警察呢？”回答：“因为老师常说捡到钱要交给警察叔叔。”
The second brother asked his five-year-old daughter, "what are you going to be when you grow up?" Answer: "be a policeman". Then he asked, "why the police?" Answer: "because the teacher often says to give the money to the police uncle."
我愿意做你的最佳听众，看着你装逼从始至终。
I am willing to be your best listener and watch you pretend to force from beginning to end.
我穿过最潮的衣服，是洗了没干的。
I wear the most fashionable clothes, which are washed but not dry.
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