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1.高中女朋友喜欢吃核桃，我就天天给他买，她打不开就找同桌，后来我女朋友就跟那个天天帮他砸核桃的男生好了……我买核桃也不便宜啊。
My high school girlfriend likes to eat walnuts, so I bought them every day. If she couldn"t open them, she would find a table mate. Later, my girlfriend got along with the boy who helped him smash walnuts every day…… It"s not cheap for me to buy walnuts.
2.‘‘我很孤独，用英语怎么说？’’ “I love you.’’
I"m very lonely. How do you say it in English “I love you.’’
3.小白兔正在窝边吃着胡萝卜，看见远处有只黄鼠狼朝自己走来，吓得撒腿就跑。黄鼠狼说：“你瞎跑什么？我又不爱吃小白兔！”惊慌的小白兔说：“我怕你抢我的胡萝卜！”
The little white rabbit was eating carrots at the edge of the nest when he saw a weasel coming towards him in the distance. He was so scared that he ran away. The weasel said, "what are you running about for? I don"t like rabbits Panic rabbit said: "I"m afraid you rob my carrot!"
4.不要觉得自己，这辈子遇不到真爱了，你下辈子也遇不到。
Don"t feel like you can"t meet true love in this life, nor in your next life.
5.大家都在复制沙雕的文案，可惜我的沙雕不可复制。
Everyone is copying the copy of sand sculpture, but my sand sculpture can"t be copied.
6.所谓缘分，就是爱情成功时的理由，失败时的借口；所谓婚礼，就是有情人终成“家属”的仪式；所谓分手，就是女人说了一百次也未必能做到，而男人说一次就能实现的事。
The so-called fate is the reason when love succeeds and the excuse when love fails; the so-called wedding is the ceremony when a lover becomes a "family member"; the so-called breakup is the thing that a woman may not be able to do even if she says it a hundred times, but a man can do it once.
7.成功人，独处，是，修身养性。普通人，独处，叫，逃避现实
Success, solitude, is self-cultivation. Ordinary people, alone, call, escape from reality
8.男人生气就像放炮竹，砰的一声就结束了。女人生气就像点蚊香，持续高温，圈圈循环。
A man"s anger is like a firecracker. It"s over with a bang. A woman"s anger is like a mosquito repellent incense. It keeps high temperature and circulates in circles.
9.其实，不用在微信上问我在不在，给我发个红包试试就知道了。
In fact, you don"t need to ask me if I"m in on wechat, just send me a red envelope to try.
10.跟你聊天我还不如跟淘宝客服聊天，不仅恢复快还会叫我亲爱的。
Chat with you, I might as well chat with Taobao customer service, not only reply quickly, but also call me dear.
11.如果我死了，我的第一句话是：老子终于不用怕鬼了。
If I die, my first sentence is: I don"t have to be afraid of ghosts at last.
12.我觉得一定有很多人暗恋我，因为这么多年了，也没有人跟我表白！
I think there must be a lot of people secretly in love with me, because for so many years, no one has told me!
13.晚上想想千条路，早上起来走原路。
Think of a thousand ways in the evening and walk the same way in the morning
14.蜻蜓先生约蝴蝶小姐到咖啡馆，服务员过来问“你们要点拿铁还是卡布奇诺？”“给我来两杯水就行。”看着蝴蝶小姐和服务员鄙夷的眼神，蜻蜓先生连忙解释“我们蜻蜓就会点水啊。”
Mr. Dragonfly asked Miss butterfly to the cafe. The waiter came and asked, "would you like a latte or a cappuccino?" "Just give me two glasses of water." Looking at the disdainful eyes of Miss butterfly and the waiter, Mr. Dragonfly quickly explained that "we dragonflies can spot water."
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